Saturday, October 3, 2009

This is a Poem

Life changes. A week ago ... I possibly had swine flu and my laptop was stolen. This week ... I don't have swine flu and my laptop was returned. Oh, and I moved into the Wildcat Lodge (the UK basketball players' dorm) and I might have a girl. Literally nothing better could have happened over the last seven days.

So here's a poem I wrote a week ago at the height of everything going terrible. It was just in case. And I now feel comfortable sharing it. Even though I'm going to blur the names. You can connect the dots yourself if you know me.

This is a poem ... in case I die of swine flu.
God, I loved You the most.
Yeah, I know it's hard to believe and over the years it seems like I wrote more love poems for A____ and B_____ and S____ and A____ and T___ and J____ and T_____ and C_____ and K_____ and A_____ and K______ and L_____ and S____ and A_____ and C____ and, unfortunately, Caroline than I ever did for You,
But that's only because I knew that You .... loved me back.
And I know it seemed like I had more passion for Kobe's fourth ring and Coach Cal's hiring than I did for Your Word,
But that's only because You brought a contentedness over me that allowed me to actually sit still.
And I may have screamed at the top of my lungs louder for a "foul" on a near-daily basis than I ever screamed Your beloved name,
But that speaks nothing to the tingling of my skin and the vibrancy of my soul when I thought of You.
And I may have taken too many pills of my depression medication every once in awhile,
But that's only because I couldn't cope with the fact that there weren't more hours in the day that I could train to be willing to spend those newfound hours doing things that pleased You.
God, I'm sorry for what everyone perceived through me to take priority over You.
I don't know why I stressed so much over my Calculus III and Materials Engineering tests.
I was gonna get a "C-" regardless and I coulda spent over half that time praying.
And if I'd've dedicated less time amassing an iTunes catalogue of over 20,000 songs,
Maybe I could've helped J__ come to grips with the fact that You do exist.
And God, I wish I didn't cuss so much,
Cuz those were just cop out rhyming words for the rapper in me when I gave up in delving into more potentially beautiful linguistics.
I have all these regrets and, moreover, the wish that I'd've found the words to better convey my emotions in any given situation.
And I wish life was the stage of a forever-looping slam tournament so that I could've been more confident of when it was my turn to speak.
But that's the funny thing, God.
You would've let me speak whenever I'd wanted to.
But all that's over.
I'm now standing in front of You at these gates trying to remember where I left all my burdens at.
Oh, yeah ... Jesus is over there and has an extra backpack on today.
But God, If I don't die of swine flu,
I swear to you ...
I will NOT be afraid to read this poem.

... but do take my word for it.

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so what did ya think about whatever the heck i wrote?